From The First Time
by Mari-chan
Summary: Trowa's POV about returning home after his first time with Quatre.


From the First Time

Standard Disclaimer: Shin Kidousenki Gundam Wing and its characters are copyrighted 

to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency, and associated parties. The characters of these works are used WITHOUT permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fiction is not meant for sale or profit. I can assure you that if you sue me you will get about $40 bucks and a really cheap computer. Besides it would only be a waste of your time.

Warning: This story does contain a lot of shounen ai in it and is a YAOI fic so be warned. If this isn't your taste or you're underage then read at your own risk but don't even try to flame me or you'll get a VERY psychotic pissed off Heero on a mission out looking for you. 

~…~ Denotes thoughts

"…" Denotes dialogue

From the First Time

By: Marissa Kaisuke

~ From the first time I saw you emerge from that cockpit I knew there was something different about you. Something that made me want you, need you, crave you, and yes, love you. I knew that I loved you from the first time I saw you. Though at the time I didn't know it was love. When you invited me to stay with you, I wanted to refuse. I hadn't reason to trust you. But something inside me wouldn't let me. I knew that if I refused, I would have made the most regretful mistake of my life. If only you knew how you've affected me. I tried so hard to put my emotions aside. To bury them so deep inside myself they would stay there, locked away forever. But they wouldn't stay there. No, not when I saw you. I didn't know what to do when you invited me to stay with you. I tried to stay away from you. I stayed in the room you provided for me as long as possible but, somehow I couldn't stay away from you. I watched you play your violin for awhile. You made such beautiful music with it. You used as if it were an extension of your own heart. I don't really know what possessed me to do it but, I joined you. I had never really played a flute around anyone before. I had owned one when I was with the mercenaries as surprising as that is. I used to play it when no one was around and I'd lose myself in it's beautiful sound. It was lost somewhere during the war though. That was when I shut my emotions away for good. True, they had never really shown before then but, now they were locked away deep in the heart I thought didn't exist anymore. But you found my heart and the key I wasn't aware of. All you did was smile. That smile that feels like a thousand summer days and nights mixed with endless rays of sunshine and moonlight. We've been through so much during this war. All those endless days and nights of fighting OZ, and I still thought of you. Even when I had lost my memory, your angelic face and radiant smile still continued on in my dreams. I really thought you were an angel in my dreams but, that day you found me at the circus filled my heart with feelings I can't begin describe or even know. It was true that I still didn't remember you at the time but, it was that smile on your face and that look in your eyes that made me want to remember. I did remember you though didn't I? I found you, fighting in Sandrock, fighting to protect the colonies. That was when I remembered just how much you meant to me. Just how much I needed you. I guess it was then that I realized I loved you. I'm glad that we've survived the war this far and that it's almost over but a bit sad at the same too. Will I ever see you again when this war ends? Will I ever be able to tell you how much I love you? A part of me doesn't want this war to end only because what will happen to us? It scares me to think I might never be able to see your beautiful face again. No, beautiful doesn't even begin to describe you. I don't think that words alone could ever describe you. Not your smile, which could light up the darkest recesses. Or your eyes that are an endless sea of sapphire stars combined with the beauty of a thousand desert nights. Or your hair, which is as soft as gossamer and looks like spun gold. Or your cupids bow mouth that I could spend eternity pressing my lips against. I could go on until the end of time trying to describe you and how you make me feel and it still wouldn't be enough. It's still hard for me to believe that you returned my feelings even if it was under the influence of alcohol. It was that night when Duo made us all play that stupid game *I Never* with the consequences of alcohol. I knew that Duo only did it to get Heero and him in bed that night and it worked much to Duo's surprise but, it also ended up in you and I being lovers that night as well. I wasn't as drunk as you but I just wanted one night with you. I was afraid that in the morning you would hate me forever but, I was elated when you told me you loved me and wanted to share more than a bed with me. In my mind I knew you were just saying it due to the alcohol coursing through your veins but, I didn't really care at the time. It wasn't my first time but, I know it was yours. But, it was my first time to willingly have sex. No not sex but, make love, because what we did make was love. At least I did. I didn't even get to say anything to you in the morning. Heero came in early with a mission and I had to leave you. I told you I loved you and kissed you goodbye but, I don't think you heard me. Now I'm in Heavyarms, battered, bruised, with Heero in Wing Zero bleeding and cut up but, I'm returning to you. Will you hate me? Or will you just forget that night we shared pleasure with one another? I'll understand whatever choice you make. It's your decision but, I just want you to know that even though I've never said it aloud to you , I've loved you from the first time I've ever laid eyes on you. ~

* * *

Two Gundams landed in a bunker safely hidden away under the hot desert sands in a large estate owned by the young but, incredibly wealthy and handsome Arab, Quatre Raberba Winner. Inside the bunker were three other Gundams bringing the total to five. The two mechs powered down and both pilots exited their cockpits and proceeded to the house to report on the mission. 

"HEERO!!! " Duo shouted as he glomped the Japanese pilot emerging from the door way.

"Baka! Get off of me will Mmm…" Heero glared at the braided American but was cut off as Duo smothered Heero's mouth with urgent kisses.

"Lets go patch you up and I'll *show* you just how much I missed you " Duo replied and Heero was drug down the hallway to his and now Duo's room by a **very** excited Duo.

"Trowa… " Quatre emerged from the kitchen. "Can I speak to you? "

* * *

~ This is the moment I've been dreading my whole life. He's going to tell me he hates me now and doesn't want to ever speak to me again. I knew he was drunk and so was I a little but, I wasn't so drunk I couldn't stop myself. Maybe if I apologize he'll forgive me and we can just forget it ever happened. But no matter how much happens to me or how much I age I'll never be able to forget how, for even just one night, it felt to wrap my arms around his satiny skin and kiss those sweet, sweet lips. I could pretend that he loved me the way that I love him, even if it only lasted one night. I only wish he'd return my feelings like Heero did for Duo. Even though it's hard for him to show it I know that he loves Duo just as much as Duo loves him. If only that luck would favor me. ~

Trowa entered the kitchen and sat down at the table where a blonde boy sat facing him. Quatre had his head down staring at the table rather than looking at the mahogany-haired boy sitting across from him. The blonde head lifted and azure eyes gazed into the one emerald eye not hidden by hair. 

"Trowa… about what happened the other night… the truth is… I uh… ano eto… I am uh… Trowa, I love you. " Quatre blurted out as he suddenly stood with tears in his eyes and ran down the adjoining to his room. Trowa sat there wide-eyed with his mouth slightly open in shock. He stood up, hands trembling slightly, as he walked down the hall to Quatre's room.

~ Did he just say what I think he said?!?! No, couldn't have. It would be too perfect. But if he did why did he start to cry and bolt out of the room like he did? Does he think I'll hate him now? Oh, Quatre I hope I heard you right. What am I going to say when I get to his room? Oh shit I've never felt like this before. I'm so confused now. I thought this would've happened the other way around. What am I supposed to say to him? What am I supposed to do now? Well here's the door to his room. I don't know what will happen but I can only hope that I heard you right my love and that it's not just a cruel trick of fate. ~

Trowa opened the door to Quatre's room silently and entered. Hearing the door click quietly shut, Trowa slowly walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge with his back facing the now softly sobbing boy on the bed. When Quatre raised his head, a sharp intake of breath could be heard from his shock of seeing Trowa next to him. Trowa turned to face him. 

"Why are you crying little one? " Trowa asked softly

"I thought you would hate me for what happened that night."

"Why would I hate you? "

"Because I made you stay and we… you know. I was afraid you would hate me for that. I'm sorry for what happened and I'll understand if you don't want to speak to me anymore Trowa. " Quatre responded quietly, eyes downcast

"I'm not sorry for what we did. I love you too, Quatre " Trowa replied as he lifted Quatre's chin and looked directly into Quatre's eyes. He gently brushed his fingers against Quatre's cheek as fresh tears began to roll from Quatre's azure eyes.

"Why are you crying little one? " Trowa asked now puzzled.

"I'm just so happy that's all. " 

With that being said Trowa gently pulled Quatre to his chest and wrapped his arms around his cerulean-eyed angel. He gently kissed his soft golden hair while inhaling the faint clean scent that was so completely Quatre. Soon they both had shed their clothes and were engaged in a dance of ecstasy and passion as the two lovers united their bodies, proving their love for one another. Later, that night, they laid together underneath satiny sheets, exhausted from their lovemaking, limbs still intertwined with another and the scent of musk and sweat still heavy in the room.

"I love you Trowa. "

"I love you too angel. " 

Quatre smiled at him, shifted in his lover's embrace and drifted off to sleep. Trowa laid there staring out the open window looking at the stars which twinkled and sparkled like millions of brilliantly shining diamonds over the moonlit desert sands, while in his arms lay his lover peacefully asleep.

"Quatre, " Trowa whispered softly, gazing upon the slumbering boy, " I know I'll probably never have the courage to tell you this when you're awake, as I'm not very expressive with words and emotions, but their is nothing that can describe how much I love you. I've loved you from the first time I saw you and I promise that nothing will ever keep me from you. Whether it be heaven or hell, life or death, nothing can ever stop me from loving you. I've loved you from the first time we met and I vow to you I always will. Perhaps one day I'll have the courage to tell you that. Good night my sweet angel. "

Trowa placed a light kiss on his lover's forehead as he drifted to sleep content for the first time in his life. Quatre shifted in his lover's arms and smiled to himself at hearing Trowa's words. He kissed Trowa lightly on the lips as he too drifted off to sleep.

"I love you too, Trowa. I also knew that from the first time I met you that I loved you. Good night koi. "

~ Owari ~

Comments and criticisms welcome. No flames please though or I'll sic a VERY psychotic pissed off Heero and VERY horny Duo on you. Trust me it's a VERY, VERY BAD combination. 

E-mail me: patamon666@yahoo.com


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